Aimless wandering and frustrating restlessness

So I have been sitting at my "workstation" staring at my computer day after day trying to think of things to write. I mean what do I know that is informative that others may not really know that much about? Then I realize, not much really - or nothing that they can't find out for themselves with a little research and initiative. I am a baby when it comes to Christ and faith so not really sure I can be of any use there, really. I mean I feel a HUGE pull to be Paul-effective, a mover and shaker that just wakes people up, but I am a newbie so what do I know. I read my bible and I pray but most of my, um grr-ness, is just plain old.....enthusiasm? I am frustrated being stuck at home not really being able to do anything - I mean sure, I am here taking care of my family and that shouldn't be discounted. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work, I have just never been that kind of person - I am ready to be put in a padded room, I swear there are claw marks on my walls from me climbing them.

So I got the bright idea to write. YAY! Uh, yeah, not so yay. What on earth is so important and amazing about me, my life or that around me that is interesting to those in the greater world? I mean, yeah I can make stories up, but those take time and then there is a process you have to go through and then the money from sales take time to trickle down to you. Anxiety chomps at your backside in times like these saying that time is EXACTLY what you DON'T have and you need something NOW. So I am a jack of all trades on just about everything, master of none. I love anime but couldn't spout off directors, actors or anything like that. I could explain the difference between a cartoon and an anime and what makes it an anime or not. Why it would be considered a Shoujo or Mecha anime. I could even give you some examples of some customs that get lost in translation - though can't even begin to tell you why we tend to think our kids need to be dummed down.

I feel like I am on the edge of something big - which could be good or bad depending. The waiting is about to drive me batty - patience was never my best virtue, which is probably why God is beating me over the head with it now. Granted it could be worse. I am really not fond of being told to sit still - I mean I am wired to be on the go, to do things. Times for sitting still is when I am in the country, at night - looking up at the stars and truly grasping how cool everything is. And then my mind will wander off on how everything got created and it will be off to the races again. If anyone has ideas - or you see something in me that apparently I am too close to the subject to see, please feel free to let me know. Sometimes even I need a Gibbs.

What can YOU do for your Country and Faith?

Wow, it is October already? Why is it that when you get older time flies? Next month is November and everyone will have visions of turkeys and then christmas trees and sales in their heads - me I actually am thinking of a more less thought of and more honorable holiday. Veteran's day. We can't thank the Pilgrams for their decision to head out on a unknown ocean to hopefully reach the new land - but we CAN thank those who keep our freedoms free - for they are the ones who pay the price for us, them and their families. We complain about our government, the price of gas, the wait at the red light, the rudeness of the guy that just flipped us off because WE were driving the speed limit and apparently he had better things to do at 20 miles an hour faster. We Christians bemoan the moral decay of our country but do we actually put ourselves on the front line like our soldiers and fight against the wickedness of the world or do we meekly and quietly just let it run us over because we are afraid of being shunned? We need to wake up, stand up and fight back. We are part of the problem - we need to be part of the solution. Christ was a gentle shepherd but he was also a rebel and shook up the crusty doctrine of the time. He took the MAN doctrines and threw them out the window and taught the GOD doctrine. I am not saying I am not part of the problem also, because I am. Many times I have kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to "rock the boat" - now I am not going to be one of those people who cram the bible down someone's throat or scream at them that they are sinner's and are going to hell - last time I checked, Jesus didn't do it that way, so I am not going to either. I will however, live honorably and righteously (or as much as I can being human) and when someone asks me about God or God nudges me to talk to someone I will open my mouth - Just like Jesus did. I will try really hard not to judge on appearance and will bite my tongue on my opinions. I know there will be times I will stumble and fall flat on my face in the mud but a good thing is, Jesus will be right there to pick me up and hopefully he will have a towel handy so I can wipe the shame off. But a lesson will be learned and I will trudge on. I am a survior and a fighter and though I mess up a lot of times I know deep down that God loves me and I want to make him proud of me - so I am going to do everything I can to be his toughest and baddest fighter. So I am calling to all Soldiers of Faith - suit up, put your armor on, stand tall, be proud and bare your teeth to the enemy. We aren't scared of them - We saw what God did with a rock and a slingshot, stamping feet and trumpet sounds. Satan stutters, shuts up and falls down just at Christ's words and we are his children - he ain't got nothing on us. So Today I have my armor on tight and my weapons drawn and I am gonna kick tail. I am also going to thank every vet I know for giving me my American freedoms that I enjoy and take for granted - I know that in many other countries I would already be dead now just because I am an outspoken, christian female - and those kinds of girls get dead real quick. But hey, that would almost be ok if you think about it because I would be with God, but then it wouldn't be because then I wouldn't be able to do his work down here any more either - so double-edge sword type thing. One is better than the other in the end but the other is good too.

To Blog or not to Blog - that is the eternal question

When you get to thinking about it just what is a blog? A blog is a person's attempt at reaching out, whether anonomously or not, to others to express their thoughts, opinions, daily activities, encouragement or other things. One is not necessarily better than others and there are some that are definately better suited for the trash can - but again, that is just an opinion.

Now I blog so that I can help my writing skills, maybe help my friends or whoever is out there and maybe also help myself just a bit along the way. If I wanted to be balls out honest I would say I would want people to reply and say I am witty and insightful and should have my own talk show or something. And that would be cool - and a wee bit scary at the same time. Just imagine... I could control the airwaves, I control your horizontal, I control your vertical. (And I just showed how much of a geek I can be, sheesh). And all joking aside (and TV shows too), I just want to be able to hone my skills so I can be an accomplished writer that creates fabulous stories that capture people's minds (yes, I want to control your mind! - that sounded totally like Count Dracula in my head). So you all are my guinea pigs - aren't you so happy! I would like to think that I do have decent advise and thought provoking opinions that might either change your mind about things or at least maybe look at them differently but I am not sure I am that high on the mind-changing food chain.

Kindness over niceness

I used to think that, being the child of God that I am, I was a nice person. Anyone that knows me knows that I am very animated - can be annoying or very funny depending on the weather, phase of the moon, alignment of the planets.....you get the drift - however, one thing I am not is nice (rather crushing to the ego, it was to realise this, really). But I DID realise that I AM a child of God and like Him, I am kind. Kindness is different than being nice - it is more concerned with the condition of your heart than your feelings. I would rather be kind than nice but I AM working on the nice part - and let me tell you, it is harder than you would think because everyone is so touchy these days. God is not nice, He is kind - he is more concerned about your heart than your feelings and if a swift kick in the butt is what you need to get back on track, He is more than happy to administer it to you. And if He so chooses to use me as an instrument, I am more than happy to do His work for him, mainly because I seem to have an aptitude for it.

Now this is not saying that you cannot be nice to someone because that is just plain stupid. Kindness and niceness are good friends most of the time. But next time you are about to say something or NOT say something ask yourself is it because you are worried about their feelings or their heart. If it is their feelings then maybe figure out a different way to say it so that their hearts can be put in the right place and their feelings spared. Christians shouldn't be worried about having to always be nice - Christ wasn't always nice and God surely isn't. God knows EXACTLY how much food and water your body needs to sustain life and if he needs to withhold that in order to bring you closer to him, then he will do that. It isn't nice, but it gets the job done and your heart in the right place - closer to him. He uses all sorts of things - we see it all the time in every day life, finances, marriages, relationships - go ahead, look around with fresh eyes and see how God uses every day things for his purposes. So many people want proof - what they want is physical manifestation of something that they don't believe in anyway because the proof is in front of them already and they have excuses or explanations for those.

So although I may not be the nicest person, I am kind. I am striving to be more nice or at least more gentle because Christ WAS gentle and he is my greatest hero, then it is Tim Tebow and Sailor Moon.

Soooo, yeah.

Yeah, so I had started this whole thing thinking - yeah I am gonna start writing and be a writer and writer's write and what better way to write than have a blog and write and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. It is either enough energy to power a small city or enough cheer that makes you want to vomit, still haven't figured out which it was when I look back but needless to say that the energy didn't last that long and the cheer, well it went down the street and headed to a rave out in some cornfield somewhere in Iowa or something. It seemed like anything I COULD write about I didn't want to. Everything was so depressing or frustrating and the last thing I wanted to be was another ranting raving looney on the internet that was doing all the ranting and raving and not doing much of anything else to help the situation. Because while I believe that it is important for us, as Americans, to voice our discontent at how things are being handled I think it is even MORE important for us to DO something about it. Talking is good and all that but it doesn't really accomplish anything - kind of like all the people looking at a piece of trash lying by the trash can and exclaiming how rude it is of a person to not dispose of it properly and just leave it there. Yeah they are pointing out the situation but the trash is still there until one of them actually picks up the piece of trash and puts it in the bin. And the thing of it is, it doesn't have to be a big thing - it can be a little thing, but just something. I don't suppose anyone remembers what God did with a little rock and a slingshot, do they? Let me explain.

Everyone wants change and everyone has the power to put that change in effect but they want BIG change, BIG effect where little change is just as good. Take God for example; you think that loving God is reading the bible, going to church and praying. And you would be right but it is so much more than that. Loving your husband or wife is loving God, loving your children is loving God, heck loving Fido is loving God. Taking care of your garden is loving God, doing your job well is loving God (even when you hate your job), taking care of your health is loving God - you are getting the point right? So doing all these small things add up to a big thing - putting God where he belongs, IN CONTROL. Especially during these times of crisis we need to stop the infighting of who is more christian and more holy than who and fight the real enemy who is just sitting back and enjoying the show and watching as more and more families are going down in flames. Families - the last and only thing that we have left from the Garden of Eden, the only thing left that the enemy has left to totally destroy. He knows he has lost against Christ but he is trying his best to tear the family apart because if he can do that then maybe he can find a way to tear Christ's sheep away from him (we know he can't, but he is still going to try - it is just his way).

So next time your child makes you want to bang your head in frustration, give them a hug instead (try not to crush them, remember LOVING hug). When your spouse has you seeing red and secretly plotting murder, smile and thank them (through gritted teeth, if necessary and then ask God for forgiveness for the murder plot later). Wave at that grumpy old neighbor, smile at the crazy cat lady at the end of the block. Remember, all these things will add up and you never know - that grumpy old neighbor might actually wave back one day instead of flipping you off. There is always hope.