This year we celebrate 150th anniversary of the civil war. This Mother's Day I celebrated the ending of my personal civil war, and it is all thanks to a woman who brought life to me. Let me clarify, this woman is not the one who biologically made me, she brought life to my spirit and my soul. She taught me about Jesus and God but most of all about love. I, with my child's mind, didn't understand unconditional love, not really, so I rebelled and she still loved me. Our world fractured and she still loved me. She has spent years on her knees in prayers over me, guess she didn't know that I had said my heart-felt prayers to Jesus when I was little, but I didn't feel like I belonged, didn't understand that unconditional love, so I thought I did it wrong and was not his.
Tossed into the storms of this world's life I was battered and bruised, but God saw fit for me to always find that safe port, home, where I had felt that love but didn't understand it. Each time I left to “make it by myself”, I know she must have cried tears and wished I could see the love, graceful love, meant for me. A continent rose up and separated us, physically and emotionally, yet still she prayed. Years of the world's grime caked on and left me disillusioned, bitter and cynical. Finally I looked towards the man I had looked up to as a child, Jesus. He was my hero then, I wanted to be just like him. I came to him now and asked just what could he do. He said nothing, just washed me clean and wrapped me in his arms. And while my heart rejoiced, my mind quarreled. While I was spotless in his eyes, I was a Dalmatian in my own. I looked back at the road I traveled. Guilt draped its robe on me while Shame crowned me. My heart kept knocking them off, my mind kept putting them back on.
This Mother's Day, I discovered who I belonged to and I called the woman who brought life to me – my Mom, this woman who introduced me to Jesus, the life of the world. For that is what true mother's are, life-givers. Some do that physically, others do that spiritually – if you are truly lucky you get both in one. I want my Mom to know that she has “Mom-angels” out there, other life-giving creations that have her back and brought her prodigal daughter back to her arms.
Thank you Mom and to your helpers.