Aimless wandering and frustrating restlessness

So I have been sitting at my "workstation" staring at my computer day after day trying to think of things to write. I mean what do I know that is informative that others may not really know that much about? Then I realize, not much really - or nothing that they can't find out for themselves with a little research and initiative. I am a baby when it comes to Christ and faith so not really sure I can be of any use there, really. I mean I feel a HUGE pull to be Paul-effective, a mover and shaker that just wakes people up, but I am a newbie so what do I know. I read my bible and I pray but most of my, um grr-ness, is just plain old.....enthusiasm? I am frustrated being stuck at home not really being able to do anything - I mean sure, I am here taking care of my family and that shouldn't be discounted. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work, I have just never been that kind of person - I am ready to be put in a padded room, I swear there are claw marks on my walls from me climbing them.

So I got the bright idea to write. YAY! Uh, yeah, not so yay. What on earth is so important and amazing about me, my life or that around me that is interesting to those in the greater world? I mean, yeah I can make stories up, but those take time and then there is a process you have to go through and then the money from sales take time to trickle down to you. Anxiety chomps at your backside in times like these saying that time is EXACTLY what you DON'T have and you need something NOW. So I am a jack of all trades on just about everything, master of none. I love anime but couldn't spout off directors, actors or anything like that. I could explain the difference between a cartoon and an anime and what makes it an anime or not. Why it would be considered a Shoujo or Mecha anime. I could even give you some examples of some customs that get lost in translation - though can't even begin to tell you why we tend to think our kids need to be dummed down.

I feel like I am on the edge of something big - which could be good or bad depending. The waiting is about to drive me batty - patience was never my best virtue, which is probably why God is beating me over the head with it now. Granted it could be worse. I am really not fond of being told to sit still - I mean I am wired to be on the go, to do things. Times for sitting still is when I am in the country, at night - looking up at the stars and truly grasping how cool everything is. And then my mind will wander off on how everything got created and it will be off to the races again. If anyone has ideas - or you see something in me that apparently I am too close to the subject to see, please feel free to let me know. Sometimes even I need a Gibbs.

What can YOU do for your Country and Faith?

Wow, it is October already? Why is it that when you get older time flies? Next month is November and everyone will have visions of turkeys and then christmas trees and sales in their heads - me I actually am thinking of a more less thought of and more honorable holiday. Veteran's day. We can't thank the Pilgrams for their decision to head out on a unknown ocean to hopefully reach the new land - but we CAN thank those who keep our freedoms free - for they are the ones who pay the price for us, them and their families. We complain about our government, the price of gas, the wait at the red light, the rudeness of the guy that just flipped us off because WE were driving the speed limit and apparently he had better things to do at 20 miles an hour faster. We Christians bemoan the moral decay of our country but do we actually put ourselves on the front line like our soldiers and fight against the wickedness of the world or do we meekly and quietly just let it run us over because we are afraid of being shunned? We need to wake up, stand up and fight back. We are part of the problem - we need to be part of the solution. Christ was a gentle shepherd but he was also a rebel and shook up the crusty doctrine of the time. He took the MAN doctrines and threw them out the window and taught the GOD doctrine. I am not saying I am not part of the problem also, because I am. Many times I have kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to "rock the boat" - now I am not going to be one of those people who cram the bible down someone's throat or scream at them that they are sinner's and are going to hell - last time I checked, Jesus didn't do it that way, so I am not going to either. I will however, live honorably and righteously (or as much as I can being human) and when someone asks me about God or God nudges me to talk to someone I will open my mouth - Just like Jesus did. I will try really hard not to judge on appearance and will bite my tongue on my opinions. I know there will be times I will stumble and fall flat on my face in the mud but a good thing is, Jesus will be right there to pick me up and hopefully he will have a towel handy so I can wipe the shame off. But a lesson will be learned and I will trudge on. I am a survior and a fighter and though I mess up a lot of times I know deep down that God loves me and I want to make him proud of me - so I am going to do everything I can to be his toughest and baddest fighter. So I am calling to all Soldiers of Faith - suit up, put your armor on, stand tall, be proud and bare your teeth to the enemy. We aren't scared of them - We saw what God did with a rock and a slingshot, stamping feet and trumpet sounds. Satan stutters, shuts up and falls down just at Christ's words and we are his children - he ain't got nothing on us. So Today I have my armor on tight and my weapons drawn and I am gonna kick tail. I am also going to thank every vet I know for giving me my American freedoms that I enjoy and take for granted - I know that in many other countries I would already be dead now just because I am an outspoken, christian female - and those kinds of girls get dead real quick. But hey, that would almost be ok if you think about it because I would be with God, but then it wouldn't be because then I wouldn't be able to do his work down here any more either - so double-edge sword type thing. One is better than the other in the end but the other is good too.