Sunday, August 9, 2009

Intro of sorts - my thoughts, ideals and somewhat goals

I have been debating on doing this - blogging - for quite awhile now. Not necessarily because I think I am important or whatever, but mainly because maybe, just maybe, my musings or thoughts might be able to help someone out there. That and there is also the idea that maybe there is someone out there that can help me. I am a christian, although not necessarily new to the belief and faith, I am new to understanding just what that truly means. I mean you hear people say it but then their actions do not reflect what you think it means. I think there are many misconceptions out there as to the whole "religion" thing, I myself have had some of those and am slowly but surely learning just what God truly wants from us. It is not easy being one of the faithful, and if anyone tells you that following God is easy - they are plum crazy. Loving God isn't even always easy - mainly because we don't think like God, we never will. We are not perfect beings, God is - ergo, God's thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways so there are going to be many times we don't understand just what God is doing or allowing but one thing is certain -- God is Love, and not the mushy "lovey-dovey" kind of love, God is Ultimate Love. God is the Ultimate Parent - we are his children, and just like you wouldn't let your child have everything it wanted, God does not give us everything we want. Otherwise you have spoiled, self-centered children who only love and care about themselves - which honestly, I don't think any parent wants to have. And sometimes you just have to let your child fall or fail so they can learn the consequences of their actions when they disobey or ignore your warnings or rules. Besides, since when do people know what will make them happy? Every time they think they have, it turns out it doesn't fill the void that they were trying to fill up.

For some time I have been trying to discover the gifts that God gave me, and for the life of me I couldn't think of one thing that I considered "special" or "God-given". Personally, I think I am a pretty plain person, nothing really stands out to me - I am just, well me. So I would pray and ask, "What is 'special' about me that could be useful for your purpose, cuz honestly, I ain't seeing anything". I am not gifted with awesome musical abilities, I tend to have trust issues and not so good with crowds, I am not really missionary material and I have a family background that is more 'Married with Children' than 'Leave it to Beaver'. So knowing all this, I couldn't see where I was going to be of use for God. I mean really, how was a broken, nutty person like me going to be helpful in showing people how much God loves them and wants to be a part of their lives and that the emptiness that they feel deep down is because God isn't a part of their lives? I mean that would be like electing a homeless person to be President of the US. But then thoughts would pop into my head - subjects that are Godly based that I feel very passionate about - and I would start "writing" essays in my head about these subjects or issues thinking that I should write them down in a journal or something. Now let me point out something here, I don't do good with subtle stuff - sometimes I get it, but for the most part it goes right over my head around the corner and flies to the sunset. I tend to need to be beaten upside the head a few times before I spot the subtle stuff - so while I have these "essays" going in my head and thinking that they are good stuff, it didn't really occur to me that it would be useful in spreading the Love of God out to the masses -- even if those masses are mainly unseen and may or may not see what I write. See, we are all given talents or things that come either naturally or easier to us - for me it seems to be the ability to use words in a way that is able to get a point across without vulgarity or crudeness. Now I do have a way of being blunt, but it is usually with the intention that there be no misunderstanding, not with the attention of offending or causing harm. Now with that being said, there are going to be times when I do offend or hurt someone's or something's feelings - God himself can't please everyone all the time so I am not even going to try and accomplish that. But anything I DO say will be meant in the most kindest, positive way I know how. That is another misconception - kindness. Kindness is NOT niceness - kindness is seeing a need and filling that need and sometimes filling that need is not always 'nice'. It could be telling a friend that the outfit she is wearing is not flattering to her body shape. You are more than likely going to offend her but you are not saying this because of personal gain but because you care about her - the outfit could be reflecting a style that she is not meaning it to say or it could cause her to be the object of ridicule, and because you are her friend and care about her you don't want her to subject herself, whether knowingly or unknowingly, to that. See, that is being kind - not necessarily nice. And that is what I will be - kind, considerate, compassionate and thoughtful. I know I won't always be liked by the things I say, but that is OK because I will just be writing what God shows me - it is God that I want to please most of all.

Will my blogs always be about God? Not necessarily, God is a big aspect of my life, but there are many other facets to me. I am Bi-Polar for instance, I will discuss issues about that I am certain - I have a child that has a disability, I am working on getting primary custody of my son back, I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister.... the list goes on. Of course since God is the center, my rock of my life, God will be discussed quite a bit. If that is offensive or whatever to you, please exercise YOUR GOD-given right and see your way away from my blog because while I will gladly accept thoughts, opinions and debates of others I WILL NOT accept or tolerate crudeness, vulgarity or rudeness for expressing MY GOD-given rights to express MY thoughts, opinions and beliefs. That being said, I hope to have engaging conversations with you all and maybe, just maybe, we can all start understanding each other and maybe learn from each other.