Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The lesson of a Dunderhead

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

~James 1:5-8 The Holy Bible: English Standard Version

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. ~Elbert Hubbard

I have trying to take a good look at myself to scrub away any spots that are not pleasing to God and are hindering my writing process and my relationships. It hasn't been an easy process because to be honest taking a good honest look at yourself sometimes gives you a stinkface. Things you thought you thew out ages ago you find out were actually just shoved down and have been festering in a dark corner and now are just down right stanky. Ewwww. Not saying that is what is happening here, no no no......well, maybe I did hit on something this morning when I was rebooting my laundry load. I was muttering to God about my writing, He is used to this so I am sure I had his undivided attention - either that or he had one ear tuned to me while he played Super Mario Brothers, He has been trying to get past that dungeon level for ages. I was going on how I am sure He wanted me to write because He gave me the gift and how I was trying so hard and I just wanted to get this book done so I could show it to Him and say "See, Daddy, look what I did." - Ohhhhh Ouch, yeah it smacked me right upside the head in the middle of transferring wet clothes. Bang your head on the wash machine, Crysie, you dunderhead. No wonder you haven't been able to write anything useful lately, you have been trying to rely on YOU, you big dummy. (and yes, God does sound like Red Fox as Fred Sanford sometimes).

So now that I have my head going in the right direction (though it was starting to go there before this amazing revelation this morning) I think the floodgates might actually be opened. YAY! Because there are some writer's conferences coming up that I would like to go to and I would like to have some work to present although really I just want to finish something and show it to my heavenly father and have him smile and give me a big hug and say it makes him happy. That and when I get to heaven, he wants me to be the editor of the Heavenly News, lol.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hello to new Me?

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night.

~ Psalms 1:1-2 The Holy Bible : English Standard Version.

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

~ MercyMe - Bring the Rain

Patience is a virtue.
Not right now, it isn't.
~ Rick & Evie, The Mummy

I am a graduate from the school of Life, majoring in Hard Knocks with minors in stubbornness and trust issues with a dash of pride mixed in. Now my life could have been worse, that is for sure and it could have been better. But this is not a blog for whining about what could or should have been. It is actually more about taking an honest look at myself and my surroundings and snapping out of a rut/funk/whatever-you-want-to-call-it and giving it the boot. A new year just begs for a new beginning and one new beginning is for me to let go of what little bit of perfectionism I have about things within me and move ahead. Now I am one that would say that there is no such thing as perfect, and I would be right but I would also be a hypocrite (which I cannot stand) because I demand perfection (or close to it) from myself. So then if I would mess up or something not turn out the way I would expect it to I would not only beat myself up because I obviously messed something up and thus not done it perfectly, I am also beating myself up for being a hypocrite because there is no such thing as perfect. Now I am not a rocket scientist or anything related to scientist and have the common sense God gave a flea but even I know that has got to drive a person a bit bonkers. And while bonky, whacky people are fun to watch on TV, they aren't so fun to live or be around in real life.

I am trying to establish simple routines. This is funny since the idea of routines makes me want to run for the hills screaming. But I have decided that these routines will actually free up my time to do the things I actually like to do. This is a serious work in progress. The ark wasn't built in a day, heck I took 9 months! I am understanding that my spiritual gift is writing although still not sure how that is working out for me because I am struggling with it lately. But I am also good with advise (giving more than taking) but I am more of a Denis Leary than a Dear Abby so not sure that will work out for me - then again, you never know. I don't even know how one gets that kind of gig, so if anyone knows, I would appreciate any information.

I have went through my email devotionals and scaled them down although it almost seemed like blasphemy. And even unsubscribed to some ministry audio/video. But I had to reason with myself that it was just sitting there in my inbox and not doing me any good - it would be like having a bible and never reading it. And besides, God isn't going to judge me on the amount of devotionals or ministries I listen to. I have this longing to please him and do right but also the perfectionism and I am an overachiever - trust me when I say, this is NOT a good mix.

See, I am trying to be patient and wait upon the Lord though you get those sayings of "The Lord helps those who help themselves" but that isn't exactly true. God wants you to depend on him but then that doesn't mean sit on your thumbs either. This can be a rather head banging on wall experience at times.

Especially for those of us who are reforming perfectionists who get hives over the thought of failure or messing up. Not to mention overachievers who start foaming at the mouth if left unattended for too long.