Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hello to new Me?

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night.

~ Psalms 1:1-2 The Holy Bible : English Standard Version.

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

~ MercyMe - Bring the Rain

Patience is a virtue.
Not right now, it isn't.
~ Rick & Evie, The Mummy

I am a graduate from the school of Life, majoring in Hard Knocks with minors in stubbornness and trust issues with a dash of pride mixed in. Now my life could have been worse, that is for sure and it could have been better. But this is not a blog for whining about what could or should have been. It is actually more about taking an honest look at myself and my surroundings and snapping out of a rut/funk/whatever-you-want-to-call-it and giving it the boot. A new year just begs for a new beginning and one new beginning is for me to let go of what little bit of perfectionism I have about things within me and move ahead. Now I am one that would say that there is no such thing as perfect, and I would be right but I would also be a hypocrite (which I cannot stand) because I demand perfection (or close to it) from myself. So then if I would mess up or something not turn out the way I would expect it to I would not only beat myself up because I obviously messed something up and thus not done it perfectly, I am also beating myself up for being a hypocrite because there is no such thing as perfect. Now I am not a rocket scientist or anything related to scientist and have the common sense God gave a flea but even I know that has got to drive a person a bit bonkers. And while bonky, whacky people are fun to watch on TV, they aren't so fun to live or be around in real life.

I am trying to establish simple routines. This is funny since the idea of routines makes me want to run for the hills screaming. But I have decided that these routines will actually free up my time to do the things I actually like to do. This is a serious work in progress. The ark wasn't built in a day, heck I took 9 months! I am understanding that my spiritual gift is writing although still not sure how that is working out for me because I am struggling with it lately. But I am also good with advise (giving more than taking) but I am more of a Denis Leary than a Dear Abby so not sure that will work out for me - then again, you never know. I don't even know how one gets that kind of gig, so if anyone knows, I would appreciate any information.

I have went through my email devotionals and scaled them down although it almost seemed like blasphemy. And even unsubscribed to some ministry audio/video. But I had to reason with myself that it was just sitting there in my inbox and not doing me any good - it would be like having a bible and never reading it. And besides, God isn't going to judge me on the amount of devotionals or ministries I listen to. I have this longing to please him and do right but also the perfectionism and I am an overachiever - trust me when I say, this is NOT a good mix.

See, I am trying to be patient and wait upon the Lord though you get those sayings of "The Lord helps those who help themselves" but that isn't exactly true. God wants you to depend on him but then that doesn't mean sit on your thumbs either. This can be a rather head banging on wall experience at times.

Especially for those of us who are reforming perfectionists who get hives over the thought of failure or messing up. Not to mention overachievers who start foaming at the mouth if left unattended for too long.

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