Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Aimless wandering and frustrating restlessness

So I have been sitting at my "workstation" staring at my computer day after day trying to think of things to write. I mean what do I know that is informative that others may not really know that much about? Then I realize, not much really - or nothing that they can't find out for themselves with a little research and initiative. I am a baby when it comes to Christ and faith so not really sure I can be of any use there, really. I mean I feel a HUGE pull to be Paul-effective, a mover and shaker that just wakes people up, but I am a newbie so what do I know. I read my bible and I pray but most of my, um grr-ness, is just plain old.....enthusiasm? I am frustrated being stuck at home not really being able to do anything - I mean sure, I am here taking care of my family and that shouldn't be discounted. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work, I have just never been that kind of person - I am ready to be put in a padded room, I swear there are claw marks on my walls from me climbing them.

So I got the bright idea to write. YAY! Uh, yeah, not so yay. What on earth is so important and amazing about me, my life or that around me that is interesting to those in the greater world? I mean, yeah I can make stories up, but those take time and then there is a process you have to go through and then the money from sales take time to trickle down to you. Anxiety chomps at your backside in times like these saying that time is EXACTLY what you DON'T have and you need something NOW. So I am a jack of all trades on just about everything, master of none. I love anime but couldn't spout off directors, actors or anything like that. I could explain the difference between a cartoon and an anime and what makes it an anime or not. Why it would be considered a Shoujo or Mecha anime. I could even give you some examples of some customs that get lost in translation - though can't even begin to tell you why we tend to think our kids need to be dummed down.

I feel like I am on the edge of something big - which could be good or bad depending. The waiting is about to drive me batty - patience was never my best virtue, which is probably why God is beating me over the head with it now. Granted it could be worse. I am really not fond of being told to sit still - I mean I am wired to be on the go, to do things. Times for sitting still is when I am in the country, at night - looking up at the stars and truly grasping how cool everything is. And then my mind will wander off on how everything got created and it will be off to the races again. If anyone has ideas - or you see something in me that apparently I am too close to the subject to see, please feel free to let me know. Sometimes even I need a Gibbs.

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